So lately I’ve been on this journey with dealing with patience with my little guy. I know it will come with time and get easier as he gets older but I’ve been praying for an increase in patience as he gets older. I told my wife the other day that my expedited prayer for myself yearly will be “Lord give me an increase in patience to have with M2 another year.” Most people would think that I was crazy or was losing it but as children grow older it’s important for you not to grow impatience with them as they will see you as someone they find it hard to come to assuming you will blow us all the time. My mother was a pretty good mother and I don’t say anything to make it seem like she wasn’t a great parent but she was most certainly not the most patient. That’s the one thing I’m working towards in 2018 especially with the arrival of a new baby having impatience is going to be extremely important dealing with another little person for my wife and I but I’m looking forward to using my resources and getting additional help along the way.
In thinking about patience and loving to do research on topics I write about on the blog I stumbled on an interesting article that highlighted the importance of not losing patience with children. I thought about this concept and the conversation I had with my wife a few weeks earlier about my son and I going back and forth at times and I thought about my relationship with my father and how as a young boy growing up it affected my relationship with God. I know your probably thinking why in the world is he going back and forth with a 3-year-old? I ask myself that same thing as well more often than not and trust me if I had a solution to everything I would shed lots of light on some of my thoughts for you all but I don’t have time for that. On the other hand, it’s important for us as parents to remember that our children aren’t inferior to us just because we’re the parent. Those kids eventually grow up to be men and women who can be negatively or positively impacted by our actions towards them. My son is not only a happy boy but he’s also strong willed just like my wife and I and that’s something we’ve both refused to suppress because when he’s grows up as a young African-American male in our world he needs to learn how to have a back bone. That’s my thought behind it but remember we are all entitled to our opinions on how we should raise our children and we should learn to be a little less opinionated about other people and what they have going on and more on our own self-reflection. I’ve been reading Brene` Brown’s book “The Gifts of Imperfection” and I’m not dealing with people shaming and making you feel bad for your decisions and why you should or shouldn’t do something.
I think I’m done with my rant so back to the article although I would love to continue talking about Brene`. The article titled “How To Not Lose Patience with Children” was written by Angela Ogunjimi and highlights 7 steps, some warnings as well as tips to better aid us in the process. I’m not going to go through all of her steps with you all but I’ll shed some light on my experiences through some of her steps.
Avoid losing patience with your children and remember they are still maturing. It’s also important to understand your children aren’t aware of boundaries yet which is why we are to guide them in understanding things that could cause consequences.
Help your children understand the concept of patience’s by understanding how there consequences affect other people. This concepts allows children to learn how important it is to think before doing which gives them a sense of ownership for their actions.
Check yourself! If there’s something that causes your child’s behavior to trigger something that causes you to lash out think about a different approach that instead of the negative one that will cause your child to push away from you.
Set good examples! This isn’t the easiest thing for us to do at times as parents because children are sponges and the moment they see something they immediately say or do what you’ve done. This is why it’s important to be conscious of the many things we do behind and front of children because they do what we do even when we don’t think there listening or watching. It’s all about ownership not just for them but also for you.
Practice patience through you and your child’s ability to learn self-control. Control gives you a sense of ownership about your actions which is wonderful for children. It’s also good for us as parents because self-control allows us to think before reacting. Patience according to Ogunjimi is good for “…when you sense yourself losing patience, have a mantra or routine that you can use to immediately diffuse your anger or frustration.”
Remember that parenting is a process that requires patience. If your impatient your children remember they will be impatient with their children and it will be a trickle affect that can lead to distrust and uncomfortably not for you but for your children. Relationships are strained through impatience and children take on those emotions of feeling unwanted, unloved and unseen.
Don’t be that parent trust me I’m learning how to control my level of patience everyday with my 3 year old. It’s a work in process because my desire is to have a relationship with him where he can trust me with everything and that comes through my ability to not be so reactive towards him but to help him process his emotions and to think about the consequences to follow.
Mr. Daddy Duties
Matthew Gamble Sr. is a father, husband, friend, and blogger. He writes about what it's like to raise his two son. While juggling marriage, money and his career. Join him on his journey into fatherhood with Mr. Daddy Duties!!!